Justice Fat Kid

Totally hung out with Steve today. He asked for my opinions on the changing court. So I told him that they should hold Sandy's seat open for a couple months 'til I pass the bar. He heartily laughed then winked. Totally in.


Thanks Miadbee for the awesome pics!

Hairy Fat Kid

Dear Eye Brow Waxer at Super Cuts,
FK knows working at Super Cuts has enabled you to expand your beauty repetoire to ripping facial hair out at $8 a pop. Fat Kid knows it must be a joy standing in the purple and silver sad little shop that time forgot on Miracle Mile. FK understands that Super Cuts is about convenience/savings more than "style" or "quality". However, FK was pressed for time and desperately needed to have 2 seperate eyebrows in preparation for her trip this weekend. FK had to work all day and couldn't make it to her normal waxer, so she was left with you, lady who skill forgot.

FK takes hair removal seriously and knows what she wants. She doesn't give two (2) shits (craps) about the aesthetic you are going for with your brutal jerking and feverish stare. There was no need to stroke Fat Kid's hair and forehead in the process of jerking out her eyebrows. Nor, when FK asked that you remove the clumps of hair you had left behind, was it necessary for you to jab her in the eye and leave glops of wax stuck to her skin and remaining eyebrows. Also, no one likes pirate shirts. Stop wearing them. In short, if you ever come near Fat Kid again with some wax on a stick, Fat Kid will become Violent Fat Kid and no one wants that.

FK Finds a New Love

Miami has some of the worst supermarkets known to man. Imagine chickens, small sickly children and goats running around a store. You have just pictured a grocery store in Miami on a good day. In most towns, a trip to make groceries is about 20 minutes with a majority of the items you want. In Miami, it is a scramble for anything left in the store. By the time you reach the second aisle, you are ready to buy some vienna sausages and tabasco and make a feast. From the 90 year old women who move about an inch an hour to the Cubans who refuse to pull their cart over to the side of the aisle, a shopper in Miami is looking at a good hour/hour and a half trip for a basic necessities run. If you aren't racist and hating life by the end of a Publix run in Miami, you are high out of your mind. That's the only way to stand it. The concept of "bakery" or "deli" is lost here. Anything other than cuban bread....ie if FK wants to gorge on French bread, Kaiser rolls, Rye bread, Whole Wheat bread, anything other than some damn spongy bread, Publix doesn't have it. Forget getting a birthday cake iced with someone's name. See below for a comparision:
Normal grocery
Publix in Miami

Lo, Fat Kid found a reprieve this weekend!! Hallejulah!!! In the old Pan Am Hangars, a new Mecca of decent produce and fresh meat has opened. Want veggies that lack mold and are firm? Go to Fresh Market! Want fresh ground meat that hasn't been drowned in bleach? Go to Fresh Market! Want to buy cheap roses for your sweet, loving girlfriend? Go to Fresh Market! Seriously, it is the Whole Foods healthy with Publix Prices. FK would pay 100% mark up if it meant never having to go to shitty, shitty Publix ever again. Viva Fresh Market!

Gah!!

What the hell

Fat Kid is Agog

The DOJ subpoenaed Google for its search engine records? In hopes of monitoring the effectiveness of child safety pictures??? Give me a break. The government certainly can get the same information from some other source. If this was a subpoena of library recods, would more people be upset? While FK suffers no illusions of cyber anonymity, the government keeping track of search terms? If FK wants to google deep fried twinkies and wang, she damn will do so. Can't the government run its own google search without these records? Can't parents use google's safety search? In the process of proving this to the Grouper (he was always in agreement though), FK keyworded penis and came up with this picture.


If this is what our children are viewing, God help us all!

Fat Kid really dislikes law school. From the uninspired teaching to the pompous students, it just really irks Fat Kid. Early in her 1L year, FK learned the beatuy of leaving the law school campus for the greener pastures of UM's campus. This escape often proves more infuriating than one listening to the inane chatter on the bricks. However, when one does this, they are forced to interact with UM's undergraduate student body and support staff. One would be more successful by talking to one of the half dead palm trees that incircle campus. While i love to hear about the two fraternity brother train that was run on you while your boyfriend was asleep, enjoying my panda express without the thought of stds is a bit more appealing. Entering my 8th hour on campus, I decided to temper my hatred with some starbucks, a recent addition to the UM campus. While it is normally more crowded than a store giving away guayaberas, they usually don't mess up your drink too badly. After waddling the distance, FK discovers the damn shop is closed. This closure highlights something else bigger...something else that has been annoying Fat Kid. The 1Ls have been back for over a week and the upperclassmen started class presumably Monday. Yet nothing is open on campus. While the undergrads luxuriate in their stupidity and vacation, the law students have been left with surprisingly little. Why does UM insist on constantly being shitty? Is this shittiness infectious and does it explain the crappiness of about 80% of the law school students? We may never know the answers to these questions. FK is thankful it is her last semester in this shithole that is the University, and more broadly, Miami.

A Disappointed Fat Kid

Law & Order: SVU used to be a guaranteed hour of suspense and drama. Now, SVU sucks like the douche in the last post. Mariska Hargitay rocked as the tough as nails cop with a tender spot in her heart. Christopher Meloni, leaving his refrigerator humping days behind, is the psychotically reproductive cop who wants to kick the shit out of everyone. And this simple formula worked. Anger+Tenderness=touching insight into the criminal psyche. However, SVU has apparently lost its shiny sparkle and is about as suspenseful as a Monk marathon. Get it? He's a good detective who has OCD which makes him a good detective. It's very complex. Apparently much more complex than the new storylines of SVU. Bring back the child kidnappers, the rapists, the wanna be pedophiles etc. I don't give a crap about someone's drug habit or the emotions of third rate characters. Perhaps the addition of Michael "My work is crap" Keaton could restore the brillance to this show.

FK Dislikes Douches

Dear 1L Douchebag,
I know I am a 3L who is in a course with 1Ls. I know that your new shiny eagerness at the law has yet to wear off. I know your maturity is akin to that of an 8th grader. I also know that you are a douchebag. When someone speaks in class, do not snicker because the words "very" and "hard" were placed in the same sentence. Yes, I understand it is slightly sexual. However, in big boy court, one cannot do this. So flip your damn polo shirt color down. Your dad gave you a trust fund...dip into it to purchase some clothes that do not have holes in them. Boho chic is for chicks and you are apparently presenting yourself as a man. As manly as one can be wearing pink and orange together with his purse. Also, shave and get a haircut. I don't care if your hero at your frat house (yes its a frat, not fraternity, don't say the stupid country thing) Sleazy McSleaze told you chicks dig hair gel. We don't. You, 1L douches, need to grow a pair and gain some respect. And screw off.
Very Truly Yours,
A Fat Kid in Polyester
p.s. Here is a general image of a douchebag. If you look like this or think this kid looks cool, the letter applies to you


UPDATE!!!! The Douche who I only assumed was a 1L due to his absolute retardation is actually a 2L. Jesus Christ on a Cracker. No wonder people think UM sucks. And douche mcdouche a lot is sitting in front of me. What a turd smuggler.

FK Totally Supports This

In the process of obsessively checking everyone who has ever been on my Buddy List, I came across this "gem" of a website. GEM! FK always considered herself a conservative..She does not enjoy the unwashed masses and completely loves private gun ownership. However, the current "president" has succeeded in alienating every moderate conservative who has half a brain. This jackass website highlights what has gone wrong with the conservative movememnt. You have to be fucking kidding me. Let's boycott all things we have arbitarily and closemindedly labelled liberal? No Munich, The Producers, Fun With Dick and Jane or Kayne? Should we just stay at home praying really hard that our Creationist believing, racist, lie feeding bribe taking "conservative" representatives find some way to alter the Patriot Act to restrict any non-pro Bush entertainment/news report/song/ad/thought? Has anyone from the enlightened right even screened these boycotted items? Who supports this? While I am sure no one will go see Fun With Dick and Jane out of its pure suckiness, how can people be firm in their convictions if they are never challenged? Absolutely disturbing.

Q. How did he get those stars painted on?
A. Through his unwavering faith in Grandma, Apple Pie, and the GOP.

Fat Kid Lightens Up

Oh Fat Kid, why have you been so angry of late? Did not the end of classes and the holiday of giving brighten your spirits? Well, loyal reader, FK is bitter as ever. However, here are some of FK's favorite things...pink and pugs! Love it.



Pugs are quite the sujet de l'arte apparently




And fashionable!


Le Sigh

The Orange Bowl was fun but long. Both the Grouper and I were a little green at the gills during our return home. However, PSU and FSU provided a ton of excitement for the football fan. Which I am not. Which is why the Grouper got to go shopping for chick stuff today. Poor Guy.