Friday, March 31, 2006

I thought I could go a day...

Broward street sweeper runs off the road
By JASMINE KRIPALANI
jkripalani@miamiherald.com

A Broward County street sweeper driver ran off the road and flipped over this morning in the westbound lane of Perimeter Road and Lee Wagner Boulevard near Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport.

The road was closed for several hours, but reopened after 8 a.m.

The driver, Lawrence Tropper, 66, of Tamarac was taken to Broward General Medical Center in serious condition.

Day 1 of journalism school: who, what, when, where, why and how. What caused this street sweeper to flip? Why did it take numerous hours to remedy? How is the driver currently?

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Fascinating Reporting

Man walking on exit ramp dies
By JASMINE KRIPALANI
jkripalani@MiamiHerald.com

A man died early this morning after he got out of his tractor trailer and walked along the exit ramp of I-95 and Ives Dairy Road, said Lt. Pat Santangelo of the Florida Highway Patrol.

The ramp was shut down from 1:37 a.m. to 6:20 a.m. Police were in search of a small, gray car, which might have struck him.

FHP was expected to release the man's identity later this morning.

no comment

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

They are formidable weapons

Here's yet another funny article...Where has responsible journalism gone?
Cat Scratch Fever!

Cows in a non-food form

Cows on roadway cause at least one crash
By JASMINE KRIPALANI
jkripalani@MiamiHerald.com

About three cows were loose and wandering through the Turnpike Extension at Okeechobee Road this morning, Florida Highway Patrol said.

It caused at least one accident, although the extent of the injuries were unknown, said Lt. Calvin Floyd, of FHP.

''Normally, [FHP] calls the ranch owner and makes an arrangement with animal control to herd them up,'' Floyd said.

Reports of wandering cows came in at about 4:30 a.m. The cows have since been rounded up, he said.

Lt. Pat Santangelo, of FHP, said it happens with some frequency.
1. How does one have ABOUT 3 cows? 2. Of course they don't know the injuries...they never do. 3. Sounds like a lot of people were disturbed by these 3 cows. 4. Thank god the Highway Patrol wrangled them! 5. With great frequency? It's called a damned fence. Gah!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

More Great Miami Herald Writing

MIRAMAR
School bus kills troubled mother
A mentally unstable woman -- who three years ago was the focus of a national 18-hour manhunt -- was struck and killed in an accident Monday.
By SARA OLKON AND HANNAH SAMPSON
solkon@MiamiHerald.com

Nora Montano's life ended Monday morning almost as violently as she had lived it.

At 35, Montano had a long history of mental illness, capturing national headlines in 2003 after she rammed her car into a house and snatched her two sleeping children in a late-night, commando-style abduction.

Montano, who had been diagnosed as bipolar, was later found not guilty by reason of insanity, and sent to a group home where, in recent weeks, her deranged behavior resumed, as she attempted to take residents hostage, her lawyer said.

Kicked out of the group home, she was sent to live with a temporary caretaker in Miramar when, on Monday morning, she decided to take a bike ride to a nearby Wal-Mart.

As she pedaled west on Miramar Parkway near Dykes Road, she was struck by a school bus carrying 28 students to high school about 7 a.m. Police said Montano ran a red light.

She was airlifted to Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood, where she was later pronounced dead. Authorities said she died of head trauma.

The students were not injured, according to Broward school district officials. Everglades High School Principal Paul Fetscher said the students on the bus did not see the accident happen, but he put the school's counselors on standby in case any of the students needed to talk to someone.

GRABBED FROM BEDS

A former Army private who had been in and out of mental wards, Montano and her husband, José Montano, executed a brazen middle-of-the-night kidnapping in July 2003. Lorena Montano, 3, and her brother, Moises Montano, 2, where living with Nora Montano's mother in Miramar when they were grabbed from their beds by the couple, who, clad in military garb, barreled into the house in their car about 2:30 a.m. The couple was caught following an 18-hour manhunt. The children, who were unharmed, were returned to their grandmother.

Nora Montano's mother, Nora Sarria, had been given custody of the couple's children because of her daughter's unstable mental state, court records show. In August 2002, Nora Montano had disturbing thoughts about her children, whom she described as ''good'' and ''evil,'' saying that she felt that her son represented evil and was ''possessed by demons,'' the records show.

In recent weeks, Montano was kicked out of a Pembroke Pines group home after she had stopped taking her medication and lost control, according to her attorney, Patrick Rastatter. He did not have details of the hostage incident, and an official with the group home, Bayview Center for Mental Health in Pembroke Pines, declined to comment Monday.

WITH CARETAKER

Montano was placed with a caretaker in the 3800 block of Southwest 167th Avenue in Miramar while her guardians looked for a new group home.

It was from here, at 6 a.m., that Montano left a note for her caretaker, telling her she was biking 3 ½ miles to a Wal-Mart Supercenter, open 24 hours, police said.

It was unclear whether Montano was allowed to come and go as she pleased.

Her death cut short a life frequently punctuated by pain.

SERIES OF MARRIAGES

As she entered her late teens, Montano's mother noted that her daughter was growing increasingly delusional.

After graduating from North Miami Beach High School, Montano worked in retail and customer service, then enlisted in the Army Reserves. All the while, Montano swirled in and out of intense romantic relationships, resulting in a series of short-lived marriages.

In her late 20s, Montano married José Montano and had two children within two years. Shortly after, she began the first of several involuntary admissions to mental hospitals.

After Sarria became the children's caretaker, she filed a restraining order against her daughter.

''She also said this was a war between us,'' Sarria wrote to justify the restraining order. ``And that one of us was going to leave the house, dead.''

FK took the liberty of highlighting her favorite parts. The best part, by far, is the incorrect grammar. But FK what about the incoherent presentation of the facts? The subheadings help with that one. Why does her marital history matter in her getting hit by the bus? Was she cycling to another husband? Finally, would one expect a school bus and its passengers to be harmed when hit by a bicyclist? Ridiculous

Monday, March 27, 2006

Miami Rocks

So every day, Fat Kid visits the Miami Herald. FK goes, not looking to enrich her knowledge of current events and local news. Nay, Fat Kid goes looking to score some fat juciy laughs. At least once a day, the Herald boasts an article so poorly written, FK wonders if she herself had written it. Links often lead to nowhere or to completely unrelated articles. Pictures don't go with the stories or captions. FK could go on but it is almost time for her 5th meal of the day. In parting, she leaves you:

Homestead man hospitalized after being shot
By LUISA YANEZ
lyanez@MiamiHerald.com

A Homestead man was shot this afternoon during what may have been an armed robbery.

The 37-year-old victim, whose name has not been released by police, was found bleeding on the street at around 3 p.m., said Homestead Police Capt. Ed Bowe.

The man had been wounded in the forearm, but rescue workers discovered the bullet had traveled into his chest. The man was taken by helicopter to the nearest hospital, where he is in critical condition.

The initial police call described the incident at Northwest First Avenue and Ninth Street as an armed robbery, but that was preliminary and still under investigation.

''We still don't know what this was about,'' Bowe said.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Gotta Love Apartment Hunting

$1300 / 3br - HOUSE FOR RENT/ 5 MIN WALK FROM ASU
Date: 2006-03-24, 9:18AM MST


Available as of April 1st. This is a great location, walking distance to town and college and a real "Leave it to beaver neighborhood" Many original owners live here( homes built in early 50s) . There is a 2 car enclosed carport and parking for 2 more in drive. Large Lot ( 100x100 ft) with many trees ( grapefruit, orange and pecan) grass. Large backyard, surrounded by 6ft high oleander bushes. flood irrigation, comes with frig,stove,washer. Has central A/C and gas heat and hot water, very efficient. This is a great house for a family or someone who wants to have nice neighbors and not have to deal with any apartment or condo nightmares. Rent is $1300/month plus utilities . Deposit $1000.00( refundable),and first months rent due upon move in. First month rent plus deposits due upon contract signing. Rental contract term 9,12 or 18months. I am not a slum lord, this is my house and I am moving to be closer to my elderly parents in Maryland for a while. I am flexible on interior painting and decorating ( fixtures ect..) within good reason. I will work with the right renter to make you as comfortable and at home as possible.
Also there is a 38ft RV Parked in Back on back driveway. It has a tenant( 24yr old Tempe Park Ranger) who is very nice,clean and respectful. He is responsible for 1/4th of electric and water bill.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

A Letter to a Stupid Ho

Dear Stupid Ho Walking on the Bricks at 3:50 this afternoon,
FK enjoys dressing for the warm weather of South Florida. However, your ensemble of jean mini-skirt, push up bra, white tee and tennis shoes doesn't cut it. If your gut did not hang out farther than your breasts, this might have been a cute outfit. If your legs resembled something other than tree trunks, the sneaker/skirt combo might be cute. However, these possibilities do not occur on your troll like figure. Also, when everyone can see the padding in the bra, your flat little secret is out. Lose the friendship bracelets...you aren't in 4th grade and FK is sure Kimmy from summer camp no longer likes you, assuming she ever did. In sum, burn your skanky outfit and pay for some quality fake boobs.
Sincerely,
A fat kid in polyester who still looks better than you

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Grocery Stores in Miami: Redux

After surviving ebola and getting engaged, Fat Kid has returned to her normal, hateful self. FK went to Publix on Monday to stock up for the week and to hopefully stave off another descent into the 5th layer of hell that is grocery shopping in Miami for at least a few days. Tonight, the Grouper realized we needed a key ingredient in our meal and we set off along our merry way to acquire some ground turkey and some wild turkey (just kidding...wine because we are pussies).

Each god awful, nerve grating, asinine thing that occurs in Miami would be, individually, insignificant. However when 50 of these small annoyances converge to form the vortex of suck, you have Miami on a good day.

FK and TG entered the Publix to the sounds of what appeared to be homeless children selling chocolate. FK lives in the Gables..aren't there cops to prevent this?
*
Navigating the aisles, FK encountered what appeared to be a middle aged woman who was blocking the entire aisle with her body and cart. Fine, this is the standard Miami shopping behavior. What was odd was the fact she was going to town on a can of vienna sausages as she shopped.

Who has a vienna sausage craving ever? Who has such a craving that they cannot resist the beautiful bullets of pig lips and horse jelly to the point they must chow down on them in the aisle? Was Weiner Woman chomping on these sausages in front of the other cans as some form of warning? Was she part of some group of people who gets a kick out of intimidating processed meat and threatening it with the horrible fate of digestion? Is FK reading too much into the seedy underbelly of canned weiners?

Fk and TG decide additional wine is needed to survive another night in Miami. FK chooses a $5.99 bottle of Lindeman's because she is poor and has a weakness for bad wine. They proceed to the check out where the wine is rung up as $6.99. When this discreptancy is pointed out (kindly, in fact), Suset (which is Spanish for lacking the skills of a mute donkey) informed FK that she had no control over the pricing policy and FK's only recourse would be to get out of line and take her "allegations" to customer service. Mind you, FK was not asking for a massive overhaul of the grocery industry, but rather, holding Publix to its accurate pricing policy. Then, Suset spewed some other nonesense from her mouth which kept moving out of sheer surprise that food was not currently being smashed into it.

It was a freaking trip to the grocery store. Not a plea to waste 3 hours of FK's life. The line for the customer service looked like a scene from some 3rd world country on free shoe day. It wasn't worth the dollar but the moral price FK paid burns. FK hates Miami.


*Note: This picture is from Fort Lauderdale..What the hell..