Grocery Stores in Miami: Redux
After surviving ebola and getting engaged, Fat Kid has returned to her normal, hateful self. FK went to Publix on Monday to stock up for the week and to hopefully stave off another descent into the 5th layer of hell that is grocery shopping in Miami for at least a few days. Tonight, the Grouper realized we needed a key ingredient in our meal and we set off along our merry way to acquire some ground turkey and some wild turkey (just kidding...wine because we are pussies).
Each god awful, nerve grating, asinine thing that occurs in Miami would be, individually, insignificant. However when 50 of these small annoyances converge to form the vortex of suck, you have Miami on a good day.
FK and TG entered the Publix to the sounds of what appeared to be homeless children selling chocolate. FK lives in the Gables..aren't there cops to prevent this?
*
Navigating the aisles, FK encountered what appeared to be a middle aged woman who was blocking the entire aisle with her body and cart. Fine, this is the standard Miami shopping behavior. What was odd was the fact she was going to town on a can of vienna sausages as she shopped.
Who has a vienna sausage craving ever? Who has such a craving that they cannot resist the beautiful bullets of pig lips and horse jelly to the point they must chow down on them in the aisle? Was Weiner Woman chomping on these sausages in front of the other cans as some form of warning? Was she part of some group of people who gets a kick out of intimidating processed meat and threatening it with the horrible fate of digestion? Is FK reading too much into the seedy underbelly of canned weiners?
Fk and TG decide additional wine is needed to survive another night in Miami. FK chooses a $5.99 bottle of Lindeman's because she is poor and has a weakness for bad wine. They proceed to the check out where the wine is rung up as $6.99. When this discreptancy is pointed out (kindly, in fact), Suset (which is Spanish for lacking the skills of a mute donkey) informed FK that she had no control over the pricing policy and FK's only recourse would be to get out of line and take her "allegations" to customer service. Mind you, FK was not asking for a massive overhaul of the grocery industry, but rather, holding Publix to its accurate pricing policy. Then, Suset spewed some other nonesense from her mouth which kept moving out of sheer surprise that food was not currently being smashed into it.
It was a freaking trip to the grocery store. Not a plea to waste 3 hours of FK's life. The line for the customer service looked like a scene from some 3rd world country on free shoe day. It wasn't worth the dollar but the moral price FK paid burns. FK hates Miami.
*Note: This picture is from Fort Lauderdale..What the hell..
Each god awful, nerve grating, asinine thing that occurs in Miami would be, individually, insignificant. However when 50 of these small annoyances converge to form the vortex of suck, you have Miami on a good day.
FK and TG entered the Publix to the sounds of what appeared to be homeless children selling chocolate. FK lives in the Gables..aren't there cops to prevent this?
*Navigating the aisles, FK encountered what appeared to be a middle aged woman who was blocking the entire aisle with her body and cart. Fine, this is the standard Miami shopping behavior. What was odd was the fact she was going to town on a can of vienna sausages as she shopped.
Who has a vienna sausage craving ever? Who has such a craving that they cannot resist the beautiful bullets of pig lips and horse jelly to the point they must chow down on them in the aisle? Was Weiner Woman chomping on these sausages in front of the other cans as some form of warning? Was she part of some group of people who gets a kick out of intimidating processed meat and threatening it with the horrible fate of digestion? Is FK reading too much into the seedy underbelly of canned weiners?
Fk and TG decide additional wine is needed to survive another night in Miami. FK chooses a $5.99 bottle of Lindeman's because she is poor and has a weakness for bad wine. They proceed to the check out where the wine is rung up as $6.99. When this discreptancy is pointed out (kindly, in fact), Suset (which is Spanish for lacking the skills of a mute donkey) informed FK that she had no control over the pricing policy and FK's only recourse would be to get out of line and take her "allegations" to customer service. Mind you, FK was not asking for a massive overhaul of the grocery industry, but rather, holding Publix to its accurate pricing policy. Then, Suset spewed some other nonesense from her mouth which kept moving out of sheer surprise that food was not currently being smashed into it.
It was a freaking trip to the grocery store. Not a plea to waste 3 hours of FK's life. The line for the customer service looked like a scene from some 3rd world country on free shoe day. It wasn't worth the dollar but the moral price FK paid burns. FK hates Miami.
*Note: This picture is from Fort Lauderdale..What the hell..
posted by Meregarita at 7:31 PM
1 Comments:
OMG, You are freaking Hilarious! Love you FK!
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