GAH!

Fat Kid is STILL sick. Fat Kid has worked maybe 16 hours this week. Her hacking cough and phlegm production is quite charming. Fat Kid blames you.

Fat Kid needs a booger suction hose:(

I left my liver in State College

Fat Kid succeeded in eating, drinking and making merry. Now, she is quite sick.

Fat Kid on a Plane!

Grouper and I are leaving Miami for parts unknown in Pennsylvania. just kidding Grouper..I know State College has a Target and therefore is civilized. During our weekend of debauchery, we will be:
Eating:


Drinking:


And being Merry:


Eat it bitches!

But Where Will Fat Kid Get A Snack?

Apparently, the American History Museum at the Smithsonian is set for an overhaul. While I can't argue the flow and lighting needs to be redone, I think the talk of closing the entire museum for repairs is absurd. The AHM and the Air and Space Museum are the two most beloved Smithosian museums (although I prefer AHM). Imagine being a kid from podunk, podunk and getting to go to Washington, D.C. during the blazing summer and being unable to see Dorothy's ruby slippers, the first star spangled banner, or all the first ladies dresses (ok all of those are for girls or v. effeminate males). Also, the Smithsonian offers an interesting respite from the scorching heat. Besides, the AHM recently was reorganized which resulted in a huge food court and gift shop addition. To close the entire museum for renovations after 40 years seems would be a huge blow to AHM's employees, visitors and DC residents. So, Fat Kid votes no on the shuttering of the American History Musuem for remodeling.

Oh Man

Fat Kid was cruising the AP news site today and came across this tidbit. The irony and the child-like reference is both amusing and sad.
"For a time his favorite food was Cheetos, and when those ran out, Saddam would "get grumpy," the story says. One day the guards substituted Doritos corn chips, and Saddam forgot about Cheetos. "He'd eat a family size bag of Doritos in 10 minutes," Dawson says."

If only we had sent fried corn snacks to Iraq 15 years ago!!!

Even Fat Kid Doesn't Live in Such Squalor

While looking at Craig's List for a possible kitchen table, Fat Kid came across this picture:

Who the hell wants to buy something covered and surrounded by trash? Just think what is hidden away in those drawers. I wonder if this seller also has a used bed for sale..that wouldn't be nasty at all...

Polyester Isn't the best in the rain

Fat Kid's beach plans were ruined by the rain. While the beach going population of South Florida was saved from seeing Fat Kid's rolls of pasty cellulite sqeezed into a size 2 bikini, Fat Kid was disappointed in that she was forced to spend her weekend inside drinking. The Grouper was game enough to go shopping for a short while on Saturday. Fat Kid bought this:

and this:

for the new house. The Grouper and I also made a turkey. It looks somewhat like this:

Essentially, we are gearing up for going to State College and drinking our faces off this weekend and then our move. Fat Kid has the life of a 40 year old but with less money.

Roll Wave Roll

Fat Kid spent 4 years and over $100,000 at Tulane. While she learned very little in ways of "marketable skills", Fat Kid learned that food can never contain enough butter and glasses of booze can never be big enough. Tulane is in the College World Series right now and Fat Kid is rooting for the Green Wave with all of her little clogged heart.


Apparently, Pecker is rooting for the Wave as well...Roll Wave Roll!!

Yay The Grouper

The Grouper has joined the ranks of the employed today. Fat Kid salutes you sir! Now you can start buying our all you can eat buffets!!!

Grossest Thing Since Salad

Fat Kid loves celebrity gossip. However, today Fat Kid stumbled across the grossest thing she has ever seen.

Fat Kid has seen her fair share of boobs...She even has some under all the layers of fat and Cheetos. This is by far the most disturbing. It's like a hot dog where the casing popped open a little.
Disgustedly Yours with a dollop of whipped Cream...FK

Fat Kids Love Jug Wine

Fat Kid loves Jug wine. She loves Rhine Jug wine especially. Is anything sweeter than a gallon of wine for less than 10 dollars? Fat Kid says yes...having the Grouper make you dinner while you consume said jug wine is pretty sweet.


Jug wine is so much sweeter than Boone's Farm:

EAT IT BOONE'S FARM!!!

A Fat Kid's Work Is Never Done

Fat Kid is currently at work. Can you believe FK gets paid to blog? Actually, FK is just avoiding her actual work and billing clients for it. Not only is Fat Kid fat, she's a cheat too. FK was reading yahoo news (b/c that is all her attention span can handle) and found a Rudy-esque story about a Special Ed kid that got to play varsity basketball. What struck Fat Kid is that the special ed kids don't get diplomas. Why is this? Sure they can't read or write but neither can 50% of "normal" high school graduates. It's not like the Special Ed kids don't contribute to society or would give a horrible name to Hickville High as an alumni. Also, can the schools just arbitrarily decide not to award diplomas (See retarded Today Show interview re: Simpson's tie)? If so, what if Fat Kid had been denied her prestigious sheepskin from Generic Catholic Highschool due to her love of all synthetic fibers and inability to walk more than 30 feet without taking a rest? Do the talented and gifted children receive super duper diplomas? Fat Kid thinks not. This anger has fueled Fat Kid's appetite. Off to find a snackcake of some sort...preferably powdered.

Living In Sin

Today, Ms. Fat Kid decided to corrupt the Grouper by living with him outside the bounds of marriage. As such, we must live amongst rubble, as this picture indicates. It is a tiny, tiny kitchen..how will we make our 20 lbs. of chicken wings as a morning snack???


The Grouper isn't the best at taking pics of the walk in closets.


This is the Grouper's bedroom...mine has pretty leaves above the doors. This is where we will keep our tubs of mayonnaise.


Imagine a glass shower door through which you can observe the Fat Kid showering in polyester shorts for she is a never nude!!


LOVE the hallway. Thankfully, Fat Kid has a washer/dryer in which to wash her polyester..Jk..The Grouper will do all the washing.


The living room is twice as big as it appears in this picture. Perhaps Fat Kid can do some calisthenics in it...

We also have a kitchen knook but the Grouper doesn't like it. I guess he'll be surprised when the entire house turns out to be pink!!! Also, post a comment if you want to help Fat Kid move..she has surprisingly little strength

A Fat Kid in Polyester Says....

My blog will be the coolest blog ever. Not only do I wear polyester, I live in South Florida. That makes for a sweaty fat kid in polyester. Is anything hotter? I think not.